elephant and camel

Elephant to a camel:
Why is your breast at your back?

Camel to an elephant:
Look who's talking... Why is your dick dangling on your face?
- - - - - - - - - -

*wakakakk.. good one !!
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ask jonah

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
===================================================================================

rano karno

Seorang bapak sedang duduk di dalam bis kota ketika seorang anak SMP naik dan duduk di sebelahnya. Berulang kali si anak menoleh ke si bapak tadi, kemudian ia bertanya:
Anak SMP: Maaf… bapak ini Rano Karno, ya?
Bapak: Bukan… .

Selang 15 menit, si anak bertanya kembali..
Anak SMP: Bapak ini Rano Karno, ya?
Bapak: Bukan… ..

Selang 10 menit, si anak bertanya kembali..
Anak SMP: Bapak ini Rano Karno, ya?
Dengan sedikit berteriak karena marah, si bapak menjawab: Bukan… !!!!

Karena kesal, si bapak turun dari bis dan duduk di halte. Eh… si anak SMP ikut turun dan duduk di sebelahnya sambil bertanya lagi..
Anak SMP: Maaf… bapak ini Rano Karno, ya?
Karena kesal, si bapak menjawab: Ya, saya Rano Karno. Emangnya kenapa?

Anak SMP: Koq nggak mirip, sih??
=================================================================================

what are they doing?

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent one day but had not phoned in sick. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello ?"

"Is your daddy home?", he asked.

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No.."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"

"Yes"

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No"

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes", whispered the child, "A policeman"

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter", answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?", demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter"

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."ME.."
=================================================================================

gan bei

Alkisah seorang Cina dengan seorang Inggris yang saling tak mengerti bahasa kawan-nya masing-masing, pergi ke restoran untuk makan bersama. Dengan bahasa Inggris seadanya mereka saling menyetujui makanan yang dipesan dan ketika makanan datang mereka mulai makan.

Setiap kali orang Cina tersebut mengangkat gelasnya, ia berkata kepada kawan Inggris-nya, "Gan bei ! " (/kan pei/ artinya: "bersulang!" ). Si orang Inggris semula tertegun, namun ia melanjutkan makannya. Hal ini terulang lagi setiap kali orang Cina tersebut hendak minum, ia mengucapkan"Gan bei !" Si orang Inggris ini hanya mengangguk, diam sebentar kemudian melanjutkan makannya.Tak lama kemudian orang Cina itu kembali meneriakkan "Gan bei !" sambil mengangkat gelas.

Kali ini si orang Inggris meletakkan alat makan-nya lalu berkata lantang kepada kawan Cina nya,"It's all right if you CAN'T PAY! I will pay!! So shut up!!"
=================================================================================

the rules

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES. -.-

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong. *strong words*

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any given time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said. *okehh.. noted.. *

15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks ackbone, and is a wimp.

16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.

17. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm. *oh noo..*

18. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5 *i knew it..*

so.. tell me..
are there still any justice in this world?
huahuahua...
=================================================================================

guava and pear

this weekend-afternoon, i encounterd a problem in a mini-market:
1. how to distinguish a guava that looked-like a pear and a pear that looked-like a guava?
2. let's say i'd pick a guava.. is it save to eat it with its skin?

*..umm.. umm.. umm.. *
well.. then i decided to choose another 'obvious' one, shandong pear! :D

wakakakak..
trully indeed..
i was stucked there for almost 5mins having that 'difficulty', hihi..

huahh.. why dont they put a label on the shelf??? *dohhh*
life's difficult already.. why some people make it more difficult.. *haha*
================================================================================

me too..

A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton.

The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, "When you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'How are you'.. Then Mr. Clinton should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is...

When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said, "who are you?" (instead of 'How are you?')
Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked, but still managed to react with humor, "Well, I'm Hillary's husband, ha-ha..."
Then Mori replied, "me too, ha-ha..."

..then there was a long silence in the meeting room..


*just imagining the 'long silence'.. if it was really happened*
=================================================================================

man

what do you expect from such simple creatures? *let's see*

your last name stays put *well.. thanks…*
the garage is all yours *but not the kitchen cupboard*
wedding plans take care of themselves *hihi.. thanks.. :D*
chocolate is just another snack *and ice cream? and chips? and cookies?*
you can never be pregnant *thanks to eve*
you can wear a white T-shirt to a water park *hmmm*
you can wear NO shirt to a water park *HMMM*
car mechanics tell you the truth *huahua*
the world is your urinal *don’t get it*
you never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky *don’t get it*
you don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt *don’t get it*
same work, more pay *not always*
wrinkles add character *haha.. really?? *
wedding dress $5000. tux rental-$100 *depends on who's paying?*
people never stare at your chest when you're talking to them *okeh.. huahua..*
the occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected *don’t get it*
new shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet *says who!!*
one mood all the time *says who*
phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat *okeh.. i get it.. hihi..*
you know stuff about tanks *tanks? what tanks?*
a five-day vacation requires only one suitcase *ieww.. not me for sure*
you can open all your own jars *depends on who’s asking..huahua*
you get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness *haha.. thanks*
if someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend *hihi.. sounds cynical*
your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack *the other way to say.. cheap? well.. i dunno :D *
three pairs of shoes are more than enough *i reckon.. two!! 1 formal shoe, 1 sport shoe*
you almost never have strap problems in public *says who*
you are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes *haha.. why is that so important?*
everything on your face stays its original color *yeahh*
the same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades *yeahhhhhh*
you only have to shave your face and neck. *does woman shave???*
you can play with toys all your life *boys will be boys.. hoorayyy*
your belly usually hides your big hips *insult..*
one wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons *what's wrong with that?*
you can wear shorts no matter how your legs look *haha.. i think i got the point*
you can "do" your nails with a pocket knife *women can do either!!!*
you have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache *hihi.. sorry bout that..*

no wonder men are happier...
*haha.. well.. as the title says.. what does woman expect then? :p*

yang hitam atau yang putih ?

Suatu hari, Fulan berpapasan dengan seorang gembala dengan kambingnya, Fulan bertanya dengan takjub, "Pak, boleh nanya nih?"
Gembala : "Boleh"
Fulan : "Kambing-kambing bapak sehat sekali, bapak kasih makan apa?"
Gembala : "Yang mana dulu nih? Yang hitam atau yang putih?"
Fulan : "Mmmm.. Yang hitam dulu deh...."
Gembala : "Oh, kalo yang hitam, dia makannya rumput basah"
Fulan : "Ohh...kalo yang putih?"
Gembala: "Yang putih juga..."

Fulan : "Hmmm...kambing-kambing ini, kuat jalan berapa kilo pak?"
Gembala: "Yang mana dulu nih? yang hitam atau yang putih?"
Fulan : "Mmmm Yang hitam dulu deh...."
Gembala: "Oh, kalo yang hitam, 4 km sehari"
Fulan : "Kalo yang putih?"
Gembala : "Yang putih juga..."

(Si Fulan mulai gondok....)

Fulan : "Kambing ini, menghasilkan banyak bulu ngga pak, per-tahunnya?"
Gembala : "Yang mana dulu nih? yang hitam atau yang putih?"
Fulan : "(dengan kesalnya) Yang hitam dulu deh..."
Gembala : "Oh, yang hitam, banyak...10 kg per tahun"
Fulan : "Kalo yang putih...?"
Gembala : "Yang putih juga"

Fulan : "BAPAK KENAPA SIH SELALU NGEBEDAIN KAMBING DUA INI, KALO JAWABANNYA SAMA????????????"
Gembala : "Oh, gini dik, soalnya yang hitam itu, punya saya...."
Fulan : "Oh gitu Pak, maaf kalo begitu, saya emosi...kalo yang putih?"
Gembala : "Yang putih juga"

*gubraxx.. haha..*

why do i love simon (1)

scene 1
young man : [singing] & [dancing]
the judges: . . . .
young man : you want to hear the chorus?
simon: [very fast answering] NOOOOO, i could NOTT hear anymore

scene 2
woman: [singing Genie in The Bottle]
simon: wow jenifer.. that was extraordinary!!
woman: [smiling] thank you!! [giggling]
simon: unfortunately.. extraordinary in a baaaad…
woman: [can-not-believe look]

scene 3
simon: ughh robert..
i think you’ve just killed my favorite song of all the time..
robert: [shocked] kills in a good way or bad way?
simon: [jumped on] UMM.. listen!! killing is never good!! it’s never a happy killing

scene 4
simon: you’re taking singing lessons ?
girl: yes, i do
simon: who’s your teacher ?
girl: she's a lady.. at montana..
simon: do you have a lawyer?
girl: no i don’t have a lawyer
simon: get a lawyer and sue her.. seriously.. im serious..

scene5
simon: terrible !!
boy: [cant believe his hearing] excuse me… you must be joking..?
simon: yeah im lying.. you’re briliiant.. it's terrible !

scene 6
simon: [make a hand gesture] .. it's abit like watching a ship sinks.. that auditions..
girl: . . . .
simon: it’s just started of fair.. and you just… sankkk..
girl: . . . .
randy: [asking simon with 'that' look..] you mean, sank like titanic ?

scene 7
randy: i say.. no..
paula: fortunately, you’re not ready yet..
simon: unfortunately, you’re never gonna be ready..

scene 8
simon: not in a billion years..
there are any-so-many words i can drag out of my vocabulary, to say how awfull that was
boy: [just nodding]

scene 9
simon: it was dreadfull.. no no.. really dreadfull.. and im saying that..
to be kind, because you will never ever ever ever have a carrier in singing
guy: i don't believe you
simon: i'm telling you
guy: i don't believe you
simon: i'm telling you
guy: oh you can tell me what you want, but i don't believe you
simon: [plain look] remember this word.. you're not a singer..


*hahaha..
the only cure of my bored-ness today..
thanks, simon..
hope someday i could post the next part*

notes:
the 'lawyer' & the 'titanic' part was unbelievable

20 years anniversary

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?', she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?" he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.
"Yes, I do", she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember!", said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?' "

"I remember that too", she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...
"I would have been released today."

does it ?

does it really happen?

*umm.. well.. ok.. *

fishing is not a good idea

A man called home to his wife and said, "Darling, I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up.. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas"

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish.

He said, "Yes! Lots of salmons, some bluegills, and a few swordfishes. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?"
.
.
.
.
.
The wife replied, "I did, dear. They're in your fishing box! ..."

*HAHAHA*

note:
the original title was Never Lie To A Woman
but somehow i prefer to 'modify' it :D

f a t

i just noticed my co-worker had slept all the night in the lab.
then i asked him, "don't you feel cold sleep in here? the air-con so cold!"
he said, "no, it's not. i was wearing my jacket"

i replied, "oh, ok. maybe it's just me. im not used to it yet either"

and then he added,"yup, probably.. and i dont think you will feel the cold either, coz you're fat"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

huahua.. i know he didn't mean any hurt of his last sentence. i'm (quite) sure it's just an expression to say i'm 'wider' than him (it is, indeed)

but, a minute after the conversations, i kept smiling by myself and thinking why was i feel annoyed.

and i know why..

because of the word 'fat' *hahaha*

.

.

.

.

"who's fat? who are you talking about?? me?? i'm not fat. just a bit of weight-excess. and it's not my fault"

(Obelix)

Computer Dependency Test

Here's a quick & very simple test for all of you to take.
It proves how we become a way too dependent on our computers.

Question:
How many legs do you have?
To find out the answer, please look down... .

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I said, "LOOK DOWN !! . . . not SCROLL DOWN!! "


So tell me now.. are you a computer-independent person?
*i'm not.. haha..*

tenjewberrymuds

can you dechiper these codes? *haha*
an old email, but it still tempting to try ;)

================================
Room Service (RS) : "Morrin. ; Roon sirbees."

Guest (G) : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service. "

RS : " Rye ..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G : "Uh..yes..I' d like some bacon and eggs."

RS : "Ow July den?"

G : "What??"

RS : "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS : "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G : "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G : "What?"

RS : "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G : "I don't think so."

RS : "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G : "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS : "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G : "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be
fine."

RS : "We bodder?"

G : "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS : "Wad! ?"

G : "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS : "Copy?"

G : "Excuse me?"

RS : "Copy...tea. ..meel?"

G : "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS : "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy.... rye??"

G : "Whatever you say."

RS : "Tenjewberrymuds. "

G : "You're very welcome."

are we understanding each other?

dear Bo$$,

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$, worker$, who have given $o much $upport - including $weat and $ervice - to your company.
I am $ure you will under$tand what I mean, and plea$e re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,
Erw An






(==2 days later==)


dear Erw An,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet. NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the country may go into aNOther recession. NOw, near the presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add at the moment. You kNOw what I mean.

Regards,
You-kNOw-who

ken lee

do you know this song ?

no one ken to ken to sivmen

nor yon clees toju maliveh

when i gez aju zavateh na nalechoo more

new yonooz tonigh molinigh yon sorra shooo..

yes ee shooo, ooo..

ken leee, tulibu dibu douchoo

ken lee, ken lee meju more

ken leee, tulibu dibu doucho

ken lee, ken lee meju more

if you don't :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQt-h753jHI&feature=related

ask for directions

yesterday, i got an email with a subject 'What Women Dream'.

there were some pictures and words that (i reckoned) rarely happens in reality *cmiiw*

let's just quote some of those saying, "i have no reason not to bring you flowers", "let's take you SHOE SHOPPING" ; "as long as i have legs, you'll NEVER have to take out the garbage" ; etc etc . . .

*yeah, women could dream of those treatment :D *

but there was one that, personally, i found the statement is 'stronger' than it should be. here it is :

"Hold that thought a second.

I want to pull over to ask for directions"

please look at the gesture.. and his suggestions.. :p *tend to insult?*
coz somehow, it reminds me a book titled "Why Women Cant Read Maps.."